August 23, 2009; In which I distract myself

I can't figure out what it is about today. Or, rather, there's so much contributing to today that I can't derive the main factors involved. Ingrid Michaelson is on my Pandora station singing about giving up, I'm looking at a dull grey sky that threatens to shower us yet again with cold drizzling rain, I'm unexpectedly out of work, I have about a dozens things that need to be done before tomorrow, my 20th birthday is in a couple days, and the work I put in yesterday had no discernable affect. So here I am, looking on bright sides and keeping my chin up. But my eyes are tired and my neck is cramping, so I'm moving on to the most reliable thing I've got: Escapism.

And yet I can't do it. So here's this emo blog post, whining about how I'm so boohoo right now and can't take my mind off of these temporary setbacks. But, in a way, I think I should be allowed a little time to dwell on things. I've always tried to be eternally optimistic, but I'm realising that I have little to no connection to my "negative" emotions. I don't get angry often, and when I do it's almost always vicariously through a character. I rarely allow myself to feel sad, so I end up in this weird funk of ennui for a day at a time instead of an hour or two of good, cathartic sadness. I carry a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders but I don't notice it until I get feeling like this, because that's when more tension is added.

I can't wait for classes to start.